Soooo....

My wife is leaving me. How do you really write about something like that? Its a situation I find myself ill equipped to deal with. I have no frame of reference, and I cant turn it into a sports analogy like the news pundits do because I know nothing about the wacky sports in this country.

I suppose I could write about how I "feel"

When she told me there was someone else I was (naturally) shocked

When I found out he was 19 and in Northern Ireland I was confused

When she bought an 800 dollar plane ticket to go see him I was angry

When she started talking to him on the voice chat while I was in the room I was sad

When I started talking to my friends about getting an apartment together I was excited

When I realized I would be able to make ex-wife jokes I considered a career as a stand up comedian.

I always try to look on the bright side of things, I suppose this means the world is my oyster.

I hate oysters.

The world is my taco.

Pump up the volume?

The USA

The land of opportunity.

Home of the Statue of Liberty and the Philly Cheesesteak

A fist full of sweet sweet Olympic gold.

And the worst radio in the civilized world.

When I were a lad, I used to listen to the radio at home. Every night I would lay about in my room and listen to BBC Radio One for hours, the Evening Session would start around 7 or 8, playing a big selection of new music, from mostly established artists, but never the likes of the horrible pop that lived on the top 40. At 10pm, Mark Radcliffe came on the air, playing much the same thing, but with a lot more talk and the occasional radio comedy show. At the stroke of midnight, the action switched to John Peel, playing new bands, unsigned artists (he had a standing deal that if you sent him something in the mail and he liked it, he would play it on his show) He played everything from punk to hip-hop, metal to aboriginal drum music. He was the best.

Cut to 10 years later - America

I only ever listen to the radio in the car, and only when my wifes parents are with us, as they cant hear anything with "cusswords" in it or they will turn into pumpkins at midnight or some shit.

We have 2 stations they listen to. The Duck, an oldies station that plays a few classics and a lot of crap that should have died with the 50's 60's and 70's. If I hear one more song about teens getting killed on the road at night I will loose my mind. Even if Eddie Vedder is singing.

The other station is Joe FM. Random music in random order with nothing from the last 10 years.

I don't think even a young Christian Slater can save the radio here now.

I have to get ready for work now, which means 15 minutes of audio rape from 30 years ago are about to charge relentlessly down my poor earholes.

Hancock (Spoilers!)

So I saw the much anticipated Hancock last night.

Will Smith, Jason Bateman and Charlize Theron all gave good performances, and between the 3 of them, they stopped the movie from sucking.

The story was so weak that I barely even noticed it hiding behind the special effects, it ends with no real satisfying resolution. The plot was unbelievably predictable, mostly thanks to the number of closeups on Theron's face looking worried and conflicted, and the retarded length of said closeups. Seriously. It was like they had a subplot about a camera that wanted to have sex with Charlize Theron.

As for the supervillain...

There isn't one.

Thats right.

A superhero move without a supervillain.

There is a villain, but he isn't much, just a criminal. The only background his character has is divulged by a newsreader in the background of one of the scenes, while other dialogue is taking place, and he seems to be in the movie for comic relief, only really menacing the characters in the closing scenes of the movie.

Oh, Back to the Future called. They want their running gag back.

All the bad stuff aside, the cast do give great performances, Smith makes you feel genuine sympathy for his struggling hero, Bateman is endearing as a down on his luck father trying to make the world a better place. Theron plays her part well, but is let down by a lack of chemistry with her co-stars.

I would rent it and save your 9 bucks for Batman, or Hellboy.

Grocery Bag must be stopped!

Painfully new to this, but everyone else is doing it, so it must be cool!

At times this blog will make no sense, but I'll try to keep the disjointed rambling to a minimum. It will consist mostly of rants (is there any other purpose for a blog?) and the occasional observation. I will try to keep the tone amusing, I have noticed lately that I can be a morose motherfucker sometimes. I am trying to avoid this.

Also, I will write about my cat.

And theres not a damn thing anyone can do to stop me.

Bye for now.
Chris.